a reflection on working in nightlife

One of the hardest parts of sobriety has been work. It's ridiculous that I chose to spend the first few years of my sobriety working in a bar. It allowed me to establish a life post grad. It was one of the most fun jobs I've ever had, it was truly a special place in time. Everyone was and continues to be incredibly supportive in my sobriety and I actually met some amazing sober women who share their wisdom generously with me.

But,

Kitchens really are as bad as the Bear and hospitality is an industry where everyone needs a vice just to get through the day. There's an unique sense of camaraderie that comes from getting drinks with your coworkers after a particularly stressful shift. Staff shots would have me choking back tears until I could run to my car. Some nights work was hard, and I wanted that shot to forget about it. But other nights because of the heavy alienation that comes with being in a community that you can never fully be a part of. I spent many nights crying with my manager on the street about how lonely I felt and how much I longed to be a part of the party.

I was having to explain my lifestyle choices daily. A coworker said to me that sober people should stay home, when complaining about nondrinkers at their tables. I remember telling them that sober people deserve to go out and have fun too, even if they don't buy as much. I learned to be proud to express my sobriety. It taught me to give a shit about things outside of work, pursuing hobbies and investing in friendships. It's hard to be young and sober, especially in a society that is centered around alcohol. Finding people who share my values and interests is difficult when everyone is numbed by alcohol.

That feeling of longing to be a part of things hasn't really gone away; I don't know if it ever will.

My friend is always saying to make your life bigger. When there are these uncomfortable feelings or when something is holding too much space, it's not necessarily about removing or minimizing those feelings. Your precious energy is better spent finding more ways to fill your life with good things, especially in those moments where the sad feelings are overwhelming.

So this is me remembering who I am and how far I've come. Spending time nurturing my most precious friendships and expanding my life with more love. Hopefully more discipline as well..

Talk soon

Ken and Whisk